Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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