I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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