Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
