We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Randomize
