I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
