I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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