my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
