i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
