Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
