she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
