I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
