i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
