FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
