bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you win again, gameday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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