It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
