She said her name was "party"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
