hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize