a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
