sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
