I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
