he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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