afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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