yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
