What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
