i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
