Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I want a musical about memes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
