Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
