Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
