i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
