This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
