Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
