I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
