Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
