this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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