I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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