who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize