sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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