I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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