I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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