My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
