just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
