I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
