You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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