apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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