i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
