It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
