Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
