i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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