Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Shame is for Republicans.
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