i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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