smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
