You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
