I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize