im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize