Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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