It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
