im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
