Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
