i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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