he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
