So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
