Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
