i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
