Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
