bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
thus making me awesome and them whores
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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