Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
