At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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