Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
