Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
