Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
