I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
